No more video

I have decided that for my own sake i wont do the fucking video, as i promised im posting the script.

Top 5 Moments of My 2008

5. Grandpa’s birthday, trip to Playa del Carmen Mexico
Almost every year, for my grandpa’s birthday he organizes a family trip, on 2008 we went to Playa del Carmen on Mexico. Beautifull place, the hotel was incredible, i went to downtown, to a long walking road full of shops, restaurants and bars, i walked a lot.

The hotel was so big that to go to lunch we needed to walk like 1/3 of mile, a lot of pools, drinks!!!!, beautifull Beach!!! And a discoteque named Jaguar.

I really enjoy this trip, all in family, sharing and celebrating my grandpa’s birthday!

4. Trip to the Semana Santa’s concerts on the Beach with my friends
Semana Santa is a religious week were the catolic church celebrates something, as u notice i dont care about it, but since its nations festive day, we did a awsome trip.

Gallo (beer company) and XL (rum company) makes a several Beach parties every year for this dates, so we went to everyone of it :D

It was a hardcore trip!!! We were a lot of ppl, we have fun, we danced, we singed, we did a lot of things!!!, we get drunk, jajajajajajaja :D

Very nice trip, i will have it in my heart always, i enjoy it a lot!

3. Family trip to Orlando, Miami, USA
In november, my family and i made a trip to orlando, 2 weeks of full fun!!! We visited all the Parks.

I remeber that to do this trip i had to do my collage final test befote i go, was a run run week before the trip, but i worthed it.

Nice views, nice rollercoasters, nice attractions, and a lot of family share!!! Amaizing!!

I remeber this trip as one of the greatest ones, and that why its on my number 3.

2. First day in CODA
CODA (Codependents Anonimous) is a non profit organization that helps ppl with codependents sickness to keep going and to be better persons everyday.

Well, im a codependent person, and the first time i went to CODA i was so scared!! So confused, with a loto f tears inside me, anda ll the Group gave me his support and made me feel great. I love my Group and i love CODA!!!
It marked a great change in my life, a lot of progress ins my life, im a better person now, i have issues, but i trust i can fix them. CODA is in my heart and is a big deal for me and thats why is in my number 2.

And finally the number 1 moment of my 2008!

1. The 2 unforgetable days
I think u are asking what tha fuck are the 2 unforgetable days, well, i call that to the 2 most precious day that i spent with a very special person for me.

This is not part of the script, i wont post somethings cause, cause i dont want to, this precious day has become the most wonderfull day and a though in my head everyday. I cant post much thing about it, but i can say, i loved her, i love her, and i will love her.

I had been tru a lot of hard moments recently, and very happy moments too. I had been writing a lot about me, my past, and things that are a pain on the ass for me, i have cried a lot, a lot of pain has been tru me, and in some ways i cant accept defeat yet, i have tried i swear, but its too difficult for me.

Somedays i have the feeling that im living my own life, im free, i can do anything and anything and anyone cant stop me, that a wonderfull day, serenity invades me and i feel very well, other days and moments i feel like i cant with myself anymore, too much feelings, too much thoughs, too much emotions, and everything just goes and goes around my head.

I have identified 2 big problems in my life, the worst, my family and the second one, my relationships, in this moments with her, the person of my number one. I have grown a lot, i have changed but in some ways im still the same person, i need to work harder, i need to share a lot of things, i need to speak to someone i completely trust, i need attention, i need honest understanding, i need a trully hug...

The funniest thing is that i found all this in her, but i cant talk to her, i cant get obsessed and due that i wrote a lot about her, i cant talk to her about her.... ironic, isnt it, jeje

Thanks to all my readers, i send u a big hug :D

Top 5 Video is behind schedule

My computer is having fan issues, so when i start recording, all i hear is the fan's noise, the new fan comes in 8 days max, so i will have to wait for it, then i will be on college, so i dont know if i will have time.

If i cant make the video i will post the script, so u can read it.

Thanks to u all.

Comming soon!!!! Top 5 moments of my 2008

I never do a comming soon, but im doing it now, its a video and i have a lot of work to do, thats why im previewing it, i want it to be like a master piece, i know that my skills arent awsome on video editing and such things but i will try my best, so,

Top 5 moments of my 2008!!!
Comming soon

comming down?

Im not writing now to tell u a story, not to share my expiriences, not to tell u a pretty thing, i just write tonight to tell u that i feel like shit!!!, i had been trying to avoid myself, i dont wanna think, thinking is painfull to me for now.

Reasons? mmmm, maybe, im not entirely sure, i feel like im in a cage locked, i wanna be free but i cant. im in anger, i have rage again, my mind is trying to bring out the aggresive Andres, the hurting one, im trying to control him, to cool me down but i feel like its inevitable.

i feel like i wanna throw down everything i have accomplished, its hard for me, some part of me is missing the old Andres, im trapped between the past and the future, and the only thing i wanna do is run!!! run away from me, from everybody, from the world!!! im mad... im crazy... im might be comming down.... again....

I will follow you

Yesterday, at my group, they read a lecture that had something i needed to keep going, it said that its ok not to let go inmidiatly, everyone has his own process and when the moment is right i will feel the power and the strenght to let go.

It fitted to me so well, cause i was making pressure on myself to let go that girl that in matter of weeks she become the one, that one that i was looking for, and when i felt defeated, God made our roads to join.

Its sad to feel this way, everything i have learned to let go a relationship doesnt work now, why is that, mmmm, im getting to the conclusion that im different now (she told me that and made me feel very good), im another person, i cant fool myself anymore, and that is awsome, the only problem is that if anything that i have learned works, then im facing something new, and i have to learn again how to deal with it, its hard, but step by step im making it to happend.

I still have some hope in us, that in the future we will come together again, to have a healthy relation and to be happy, maybe thats a dream, but keeps me warm in bed and help me not to entirely crash and go in crisis.

For all this i decided to dedicated myself a song (the one that is playing now), jeje, thats new for me but it feels awsome!!!

Yo te seguire - Alberto Plaza

No me pidas más de lo que puedo dar
cada uno tiene su mayor anhelo
no le quites alas a la libertad
porque ya he empezado a levantar el vuelo.

No me pidas más de lo que puedo dar
tengo a mano la alegría y la tristeza
me acompañan y me ayudan a cantar
por eso las dos se sientan en mi mesa.

Yo no puedo ser perfecto;
tengo miles de defectos
tengo lágrimas
y tengo corazón.
Si me pides que mejore
mis fracasos mis errores
dame tiempo,
para ver si puedo andar.

Y yo te seguiré
donde vayas tu
y me quedaré,
a tu lado .

No me pidas más de lo que puedo dar.
Yo soy lo que vez no soy mas que vida
que ha escogido a mi cuerpo para descansar
y seguiré camino alguno de estos d'as


Yo prefiero darme tal y como soy
con todas mis dudas y contradicciones
yo no quiero fabricar una mentira
para retenerte para estar contigo.

Yo no puedo ser perfecto;
tengo miles de defectos
tengo lágrimas
y tengo corazón.
Si me pides que mejore
mis fracasos mis errores
dame tiempo ,
para ver si puedo andar.

Y yo te seguiré
donde vayas tu
y me quedaré
a tu lado.

Solo una cosa te voy a pedir
no le hagas caso a mi melancolía
algunos días es más fácil sonreír,
pero este no es uno de aquellos días.

Y yo te seguiré
donde vayas tu
y me quedaré
a tu lado.

----------------------------------------
and for my english readers, i translate it for u:

I will follow you - Alberto Plaza

Dont ask me for more than i can give
everyone has its greater yearning
dont remove the liberty wings
cause i has began to reach its flight

Dont ask me for more than i can give
i have the joyness and the sadness by a hand
they join me and help me to sing
thats why both sits on my table

I cant be perfect
i have thousands of defects
i have tears
and i have heart.
If u ask me to be better
my failures and my mistakes
give me time
to see if i can go.

And i will follow you
wherever u will go
and i will stay
by your side.

Dont ask me for more than i can give
im what u see im anything else that live
that had choosen my body to rest
and will keep going some of this days.

I rather to show myself just like i am
with all my doubts and contradictions
i dont want to make a lie
to have u with me, to be with you.

I cant be perfect
i have thousands of defects
i have tears
and i have heart.
If u ask me to be better
my failures and my mistakes
give me time
to see if i can go.

And i will follow you
wherever u will go
and i will stay
by your side.

Just i thing im going to ask you
dont take too seriouly my melancholy
some days is easier to smile
but this one isnt one of that days.

And i will follow you
wherever u will go
and i will stay
by your side.

------------------------------

last thing for now

i did this song that u r listen to (Unknow Mix). my intention was to recompile all my feelings in a certain moment and make it live with music. its for a person, she knows who she is.

i made a conclusion, this is the last thing i will do thinking on her for a while, why is that, cause i need to focus on myself, work around with my personality, my fears, my problems, a lot of things, so my intention is that this mix keeps alive something that is barely breathing, it was made with love.

remember, its my feelings what the artists are singing, maybe i did not want a few words, but it sounds ok.

for u with all my love

Knowing myself a little more

I underestimated myself, now i realize that, yes, that moments were important to me, and i wanted to share it...

Now, there is nothing left to do, 3 big deals to me and i cant share them, maybe its a light from God, i have to live the 3th one alone (it havent came), i will leave it in a MAYBE, cause i want it to be shared.

I always claimed myself to be a lonely person, to need no one, and now i realize the emptyness inside myself, and i have to deal with it, i cant depend on other persons, specially you, i just wonder when is it gonna end!!! im sick and tired of myself!!!

i feel like u r too much for me, that i cant keep at ur step, you are so much grown, and im just a little boy that is starting and learning how to live, how to love, how to share, how to be in peace. i feel so infirior, and, as always with my stupid questions, am i good for u? can i make u happy?

i dont feel well, im frighten and intimidated, i feel that i cant keep up, but i feel too that i cant give up.